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从中西文化对比漫谈如何培养孩子的行为准则

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1#
发表于 2013-2-17 10:08:14 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
以前曾经在这里发过一个系列的帖子,谈论孩子的教育问题,曾经给自己列了十几个专题,后来因为对手的终止,自己也让那楼太监了,没有写完。

其中曾经想谈谈对孩子行为准则的建立问题。

今天看了一位网友的帖子,给了他回复,同时也激起了兴趣继续说说这个话题。所以干脆单开一个楼吧。

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2#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-17 10:22:15 | 只看该作者
谈这个话题就要进行文化的对比。

大家都说西方有圣经,中国有论语。

对比中外这两个不同文化的经典,就可以看到这两种文化的差异。

西方的规则很具体,具体到了每件事情可以做或者不可以做。中国的似乎有规则,但实际上那都是一些泛泛的空话,做到的是圣人,做不到的是凡人。有句话叫做半部论语治天下之说,那说的不是你读懂了半部论语就可以统治天下了,而是说的那些东西不要真的相信,有人能做到一半那就可以成为圣人了。

这种文化体现在我们做父母的养育孩子身上,那就更常见了,父母总是在用一些大而无用的道理来教导孩子,你永远无法去说那些父母的大道理不对,但事实上却是一点用都没有。

他们要求孩子的,他们自己也做不到,更无法告诉孩子怎么去做。他们所需要的其实不过是占领一个道德的制高点,让人觉得自己永远是正确的。

所以无数的父母在抱怨,我都是那么要求孩子的啊,可是孩子做不到!

其实小孩子是一张白纸,你准确的告诉了孩子什么可以做,什么不应该做,哪里有孩子做不到的呢?
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3#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-17 10:42:10 | 只看该作者
在那个回帖里转贴了网络上流传很广的一个叫做《美国小学生行为规范55条》的东西,那个文字在网上流传很广的,也非常受到赞赏。

但是我同时把他的英文版本也贴上来,而且拿这个文字的翻译做一个对比,可以很容易的看出两种文化的差异来。

平时我经常劝告他人,有能力的话,尽量不去看翻译的文字,而应该去看原版。

一则中文的表达很难达到精确,你看起来他似乎说了什么,但一百个人看,可能就有一百种理解。

二则因为审查的原因经常被删节

三是翻译者由于自己文化的原因,经常有意的去曲解人家的文字,没看一本翻译书,都能找到大量的鹊界甚至伪造,经常翻译过来的意思和人家完全相反。



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4#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-17 10:54:43 | 只看该作者
先贴那个英文版的,大家看看

“The Essential 55”

by Ron Clark

Rule 1

When responding to any adult, you must answer by saying

“Yes ma’am” or “No sir.” Just nodding your head or saying

any other form of yes or no is not acceptable.

Rule 2

Make eye contact. When someone is speaking, keep your

eyes on him or her at all times. If someone makes a

comment, turn and face that person.

Rule 3

If someone in the class wins a game or does something well,

we will congratulate that person. Claps should be at least

three seconds in length with the full part of both hands

meeting in a manner that will give the appropriate clap

volume.

Rule 4

During discussions, respect other students’ comments,

opinions, and ideas. When possible, make statements like, “I

agree with John, and I also feel that…” or “I disagree with

Sarah. She made a good point I feel that…” or “I think Victor

made an excellent observation, and it made me realize…”

Rule 5

If you win or do well at something, do not brag. If you lose, do

not show anger. Instead, say something like, “I really enjoyed

the competition, and I look forward to playing you again,” or

“good game,” or don’t say anything at all. To show anger or

sarcasm, such as “I wasn’t playing hard anyway” or “You

really aren’t that good,” shows weakness.

Rule 6

If you are asked a question in conversation, you should ask a

question in return.

Me: “Did you have a nice weekend?”

You: “Yes, I had a great time. My family and I went shopping.

What about you? Did you have a nice weekend?”

It is only polite to show others that you are just as interested in

them as they are in you.

Rule 7

“When you cough or sneeze or burp, it is appropriate to turn

your head away from others and cover your mouth with the

full part of your hand. Using a fist is not acceptable.

Afterward, you should say, “Excuse me.”

Rule 8

“Do not smack your lips, tsk, roll your eyes, or show

disrespect with gestures.”

Rule 9

“Always say thank you when I give you something. If you do

not say it within 3 seconds after receiving the item, I will take it

back. There is no excuse for not showing appreciation.”

Rule 10

“When you are given something from someone, never insult

that person by making negative comments about the gift or by

insinuating that it wasn’t appreciated”

Rule 11

“Surprise others by performing random acts of kindness. Go

our of your way to do something surprisingly kind and

generous for someone at least once a month.”

Rule 12

“Occasionally we may grade each other’s papers as a group.

When grading other students’ papers, if you give someone an

incorrect grade, whether it is higher or lower than they

deserve, the amount the grade differs from the actual grade

will be deducted from your paper. The only marks you are

allowed to make on others’ papers are an “X” and the number

they got incorrect.”

Rule 13

“When we read together in class, you must follow along. If I

call on you to read, you must know exactly where we are and

begin to read immediately”

Rule 14

“Answer all questions with a complete sentence. For

example, if the question asks, “What is the capital of Russia?”

you should respond by writing, “The capital of Russia is

Moscow.” Also, in conversation with others, it is important to

use complete sentences out of respect for the person’s

question. For example, if a person asks, “How are you?”

instead of just responding by saying, “Fine,” you should say,

“I’m doing fine, thank you. How about yourself?”

Rule 15

“At times throughout the year, I will give rewards for good

behavior, academic performances and other acts worthy of

praise. If you ever ask me for a reward, however, it will not be

given. It is rude to ask if you are getting something for good

behavior. You should be good and try your best because you

are trying to better yourself, not because you are anticipating

a reward. I usually give some sort of reward to everyone who

scores 100 on unit tests. If you make 100 and ask if you are

getting something, no one who made 100 will be given

anything.”

Rule 16

“Homework will be turned in each day for each subject by

every student with no exceptions.”

Rule 17

“When we are in transition from one subject to the other, the

change will be swift, quiet and orderly. We should be

consistently able to turn from one book to another, complete

with all homework and necessary materials, as quickly as

possible. The opportune amount of time to spend in transition

should be less than ten seconds, and we will work toward a

goal of seven seconds.”

Rule 18

“You will make every effort to be as organized as possible.”

Rule 19

“When I assign homework, there is to be no moaning or

complaining. This will result in a doubled assignment.”

Rule 20

“While you are with a substitute teacher, you will obey the

same rules that you follow when I am with you. (I know this is

hard, but it is important.)”

Rule 21

“We will follow certain classroom protocols. We will be

organized, efficient, and on task. In order to do so, we will

follow these rules:

1. Do not get out of your seat without permission. Exception:

If you are sick, leave immediately.

2. Do not speak unless:

You raise your hand, and I call on you.

I ask you a question and you are responding.

It is a recess of lunch.

I instruct you otherwise (for example, during group work).”

Rule 22

“You may bring a bottle of water and leave it on your desk. Do

not ask me f you can get water while I am teaching a lesson.

You can even have food at your desk as long as others don’t

see it and I don’t hear you eat it.”

Rule 23

"Quickly learn the name of other teachers in the

school and greet them by saying things like, "Good

morning Mrs. Graham," or "Good afternoon Ms. Ortiz.

That is a very pretty dress." (Note: If you are in

line with the rest of class, you are not allowed to

speak to the teachers at that time because the

no-talking rule is in effect. You should speak to

other teachers if you are entering or leaving the

school, on recess, on an errand, or changing classes.)

Rule 24

"Flush the toilet and wash your hands after using the rest

room. When in a public rest room, get a paper towel before

washing your hands. After washing your hands, use the paper

towel to turn off the faucets and to press the dispenser to get

another paper towel to dry your hands. (Or use the towel to

press the button to start the dryer.) The last thing you want to

do is touch areas with clean hands that others have touched

with dirty hands."

Rule 25

"We will often have visitors to our school. If someone is

coming to visit our class, I will send two students to the front

door of the building. You will have a sign welcoming the

person. When our visitor arrives, you will shake hands, tell

him or her who you are, and welcome the person to our

school. You will then take the visitor on a small tour of the

building before bringing him or her to the classroom."

Rule 26

“Do not save seats in the lunchroom. If someone wants to sit

down, let him or her. Do not try to exclude anyone. We are a

family, and we must treat one another with respect and

kindness.”

Rule 27

“If I or any other teacher in school is speaking to or

disciplining a student, do not look at that student. You

wouldn’t want others looking at you if you were in trouble or

being reprimanded, so don’t look at others in that situation. If

you are the student I am talking to, do not get angry or fuss at

students who are looking at you. Let me know and I will

handle the situation.”

Rule 28

"If you have a question about your homework, you may call

me. If I am not there to answer the phone, please leave a

message in the following manner: "Hi, Mr. Clark, this is

_______________. I need help with the _______________

homework. You can call me back until ___:00. Thank you."

There is no need to leave this message fourteen times."

餐桌礼仪 R29

Rule 29

“There are several manners dealing with food that you must

follow: I call these my ABC’s of Etiquette.

A. When you first sit down for a meal, immediately place you

napkin in your lap. If you silverware is wrapped in a napkin,

unwrap it as soon as you sit down and place the napkin in

your lap.

B. When you are finished eating, place you napkin on the table

to the left of your plate. Place it loosely beside the plate. Don’t

crumple it, because you don’t want to seem untidy. Don’t fold

it too neatly, because you don’t want the restaurant to think

you assume they are going to use it again. Never leave your

napkin on your chair. This implies that the napkin is too dirty

to be left on the table. Also, in some cultures, leaving the

napkin on the chair is known as a way to say that you don’t

intend to return to the restaurant again.

C. Never place you elbows on the table.

D. Use one hand to eat, unless you are cutting or buttering food.

Never have your fork in one hand and a glass in the other.

E. Do not lick your fingers. There is a napkin provided for the

purpose of cleaning your fingers. There is no need to lick

yourself clean.

F. Do not smack you lips or chew noisily.

G. Do not chew with your mouth open.

H. Do not talk with your mouth full. Sometimes people will place

a hand over their mouth and talk anyway. Don’t do that. Wait

until you have swallowed your food to speak.

I. If something is caught in your teeth, don’t go in after it; wait

until you are in the rest room to remove it.

J. D not slurp.

K. Do not play with your food.

L. If you drop your fork, napkin, or anything else on the floor, DO

NOT pick it up. It is very rude and unsanitary to place

something on the table that has been on the floor. If you pick

up something that has dropped and hand it to a waiter, then

you will need to excuse yourself and wash your hands before

continuing with your meal. The best way to handle a situation

when something has dropped on the floor is to ask a waiter for

a replacement; leave the old one on the floor.

M. You are to use your utensils for eating almost everything.

Here are ten types of food you may use your hands to eat:

1. Pizza

2. Bacon

3. Cookies

4. Bread (Always tear off a bite-sized piece to eat. If you

are going to use butter, never butter the whole piece of bread;

butter the piece you tore off, and eat that before tearing

another piece.)

5. Corn on the cob (It is appropriate to eat across instead

of eating around.)

6. Hot dogs, hamburgers, and sandwiches (including

breakfast biscuits)

7. French fries and chips

8. Fried chicken

9. Asparagus (yes, asparagus)

10. Small fruits (like grapes on a stem), apples, oranges,

carrots, etc.

N. Never reach over someone’s plate to get something. You

should say, “Will you please pass the salt?”

O. Never start eating off of your tray until you are at your seat.

P. When we are eating at a restaurant, you are not to begin

eating until everyone at the table has received food.

Q. You should never complain if the line is too long, the food isn’t

good, or if there is a wait. You don’t want to be negative to the

point where you spoil the enjoyment of the event for others.

R. If you are unsure which silverware to use, simply start with the

fork, knife or spoon that is the farthest from your plate. On the

left, you will have your salad fork on the outside and your

dinner fork on the inside. On the far right, you will have your

soupspoon. Beside it you will have the spoon you will use to

stir your coffee or tea, then your salad knife, and then your

dinner knife. The utensils above your plate are to be used for

dessert.

S. When you are finished eating, do not push your plate away

from you. Leave it where it is in the setting. If you want to

show you have finished eating, you should lay your fork and

knife together diagonally across the plate. You should place

the fork with the tines down, and you should have the sharp

side of the knife facing down. Of the two utensils, the fork

should be closest to you.

T. Never place a piece of silverware that you have used back on

the table. Leave it on a plate or saucer.

U. If you didn’t use a utensil, do not place it on a plate or saucer

when you are finished. Just leave it where it is.

V. Always look a waiter in the eyes when you are ordering,

asking a question, or saying thank you.

W. Make a point to remember the waiter’s name when he

introduces himself to you. Use his name as often as possible

throughout the course of the meal.

X. If you have to go to the rest room, you should stand up and

say, “Excuse me,” as you leave the table.

Y. When you are offered desserts or asked a question such as

“What sides would you like?” or “What dressing would you like

for your salad?” it is best to ask, “What are my options?” That

way, you aren’t going through a process of naming things the

restaurant might not have.

Z. Never talk to waiters or waitresses as if they are servants.

Treat them with respect and kindness, and remember, they

are the ones who are fixing food and bringing it to you. You do

not want to be on the bad side of a waiter.”

Rule 30

“After we eat, we will clean up after ourselves. This includes

cleaning off the tables and making sure we haven’t left any

trash on the floor or around the eating area. It is important to

be responsible for your trash no matter where you are and to

be sure not to litter.”

Rule 31

"When we stay in a hotel room, it is appropriate to leave a tip

on the pillow for the hotel workers who are responsible for

cleaning the room after our stay. Two to three dollars per night

is an appropriate amount, depending on the cost of the room."

Rule 32

“When we ride on a bus, we will always sit facing forward. We

will never turn around to talk to other students, stick anything

out of the windows, or get out of our seats. When we exit the

bus, we will always thank the bus driver and tell him to have a

good day.”

Rule 33

"When we go on field trips, we will meet different people.

When I introduce you to people, make sure that you

remember their names. Then, when we are leaving, make

sure to shake their hands and thank them, mentioning their

names as you do so."

Rule 34

"Whenever you are offered food, whether it be on a buffet or

treats in class, never take more than your fair share. You

never want to be greedy and try to get more than you should,

not only because it is wasteful, but also because it is

disrespectful to others when you do not leave enough for

them."

Rule 35

"Whether we are in school or on a field trip, if someone drops

something, pick it up and hand it back to them. Even if they

are closer to the object, it is only polite to make the gesture of

bending down to retrieve the item."

Rule 36

“If you approach a door and someone is following you, hold

the door. If the door opens by pulling, pull it open, stand to the

side, and allow the other person to pass through it first, then

you can walk through. If the door opens by pushing, hold the

door open after you push through."

Rule 37

"If we are on a field trip, it is a good idea to compliment

something about the place where you are visiting. For

example, if we visit someone's home, it would be a nice

gesture to tell them that you think they have nice curtains.

People are always self-conscious when they have guests visit

their home, so you want to make them feel at ease. Also, if we

are visiting other places, such as a museum or theater, it

would be nice to comment on how beautiful the architecture is

or to tell the guide that you think the facility is very nice."

Rule 38

"During an assembly do not speak and do not look around

and try to get the attention of your friends in other classes. We

must uphold an image that shows we have our act together."

Rule 39

“If we are on a field trip, it is a good idea to compliment

something about the place where we are visiting. For

example, if we visit someone’s home, it would be a nice

gesture to tell them that you think they have nice curtains.

People are always self-conscious when they have guests visit

their home, so you want to make them feel at ease. Also, if we

are visiting other places, such as a museum or theater, it

would be nice to comment on how beautiful the architecture is

or to tell the guide that you think the facility is very nice.”

Rule 40

“During an assembly, do not speak and DO NOT look around

and try to get the attention of your friends in other classes. We

must uphold an image that shows we have out act together!”

Rule 41

“When you answer the phone at your house, you must do so

in an appropriate manner.”

Rule 42

“When we return from a trip, you will shake my hand as well

as the hands of every chaperone. You will thank us for taking

the time to take you on the trip, and you will let us know that

you appreciate having the opportunity to go. I am not

concerned with being thanked; I am concerned with teaching

you that is it appropriate to show appreciation when someone

has gone out of his or her way to help you.

Rule 43

“When we are on field trips and we have to go up escalators,

we will stand to the right. That will give other individuals who

are in a hurry the option of walking up the left-hand side of the

escalator. When we are going to enter an elevator, the

subway, or a doorway, we will wait for others to exit before we

enter."

Rule 44

"When in a line; walk single file, two to three feet behind the

person in front of you with your arms at your sides. You

should face forward at all times. There will be absolutely no

talking."

Rule 45

“Never cut line. If someone cuts in front of you, do not say or

do anything about it. Let it happen, but let me know about it. I

will handle the situation. If you fuss with someone who has cut

in line, you could get in trouble as well. It’s not worth it; just let

me know what happened. Please handle all disputes with

other classmates in the same manner, by coming to me with

any problems before you take matters into your own hands."

Rule 46

“When we go to a movie theater

Rule 47

"Do not bring Doritos in the school building."

Rule 48

"If any child in this school is bothering you, let me know. I am

your teacher, and I am here to look after you and protect you.

I am not going to let anyone in this school bully you or make

you feel uncomfortable. In return, I ask that you not take

matters into your own hands; let me deal with the student."

Rule 49

"Stand up for what you believe in. You shouldn't take no for an

answer if your heart and mind are leading you in a direction

that you feel strongly about."

Rule 50

"Be positive and enjoy life. Some things just aren't worth

getting upset over. Keep everything in perspective and focus

on the good in your life."

Rule 51

"Live so that you will never have regrets. If there is something you want to do, do it! Never let fear, doubt, or other obstacles stand in your way. If there is something you want, fight for it with all of your heart. If there is something you want to do, go for it and don's stop until you make it happen. If there is something you want to be, do whatever is necessary in order to live that dream."

Rule 52

“Accept that you are going to make mistakes. Learn from

them and move on.”

Rule 53

“No matter what the circumstances, always be honest. Even if you have done something wrong, it is best to admit it to me, because I will respect that, and oftentimes I will forget any disciplinary measures because of your honesty.”

Rule 54

“Carpe Diem. You only live today once, so don’t waste it. Life is made up of special moments, many of which happen when

caution is thrown to the wind and people take action and seize the day.”

Rule 55

“Be the best person you can be.”

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xxbzh + 2 + 2 今天重新发现这个版面,真不错,有时间 ...

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5#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-17 10:56:25 | 只看该作者
再贴一下中文版的


美国小学生行为规范55条

1.与大人应对,要有礼貌,有分寸。

2.与人互动,眼睛要看着对方的眼睛。

3.别人有好表现,要替他高兴。

4.尊重别人的发言与想法。

5.自己有什么好表现,不要炫耀,输给别人也不要生气。

6.如果别人问你问题,你也要回问他问题。

7.打喷嚏、咳嗽都要说对不起。

8.不可以有不礼貌的小动作。

9.别人送你任何东西,都要说谢谢。

10.接到奖品和礼物,不可以嫌弃。

11.用小小的贴心,为别人制造惊喜。

12.改同学考卷时要谨慎。

13.全班一起念课文时,要看着正在念的一字一句。

14.以完整的句子回答所有的问题。

15.不要主动讨奖品。

16.每天都要做完作业。

17.换科目的时候,动作要快,要安静,要守秩序。

18.做什么事都要有条理。

19.老师在指定作业的时候,不要叫苦。

20.别的老师来代课,也要守班规。

21.课堂上发言或起身,应该讲规矩。

22.不可以上课上一半,起身去倒水。

23.见到每个老师,都要说某某老师好。

24.注意洗手间的卫生,把身边的病源减到最少。

25.让客人有宾至如归的感觉。

26.不要帮同学占位子。

27.同学受罚的时候,不要看着他。

28.对作业有问题,可以打电话来我家,我没接的话,你可以留言,但只要留一次就够了。

29.遵守用餐的基本礼仪。

30.吃完饭,自己的垃圾自己处理。

31.接受别人的服务要惜福、感恩。

32.坐校车或公车,都要坐好,别打扰到司机,并记得说谢谢。

33.认识新朋友,要记住对方的名字,道别时记得称呼对方。

34.吃自助餐或有人请客时,取菜不可以贪多。

35.别人掉东西,请弯身去帮他捡。

36.进门时,如果后面还有人,请帮他扶住门。

37.别人碰撞到你,不管你有没有错,都要说对不起。

38.进行校外教学时,无论是到哪一个公共场所,都要安安静静。

39.去参观别人的地方,要不吝于赞美。

40.全校师生开会的时候,不要讲话,要自爱自重。

41.接电话时的应答要得体。

42.一趟校外教学结束,要感恩及谢谢所有随行的老师和家长。

43.搭乘电扶梯时,要站右边,让赶时间的人可由左边先行。

44.列队行进时不要说话。

45.不可以插队;但看到别人插队不要大呼小叫,让老师知道就好。

46.看电影时不可以说话或干扰到别人。

47.不可以带「多力多滋」来学校(制定属于自己的班规)。

48.有谁找你麻烦,让老师知道,不要私自处理。

49.捍卫自己的理想,不因别人否定而退缩。

50.要乐观、积极地去享受人生。

51.别让将来有遗憾,想做什么就竭尽所能去实现。

52.从错误中学习,并继续向前迈进。

53.不管什么情况,一定要诚实,做错事就坦白承认。

54.把握今天,不要浪费它。

55.在你的能力范围内,做最棒、最棒的人。

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参与人数 1威望 +10 金币 +10 收起 理由
Martina-Mm + 10 + 10 这份东东还是第一次看到,学习一下。

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6#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-17 11:07:04 | 只看该作者
比较一下两个帖子的长度,你就知道那个中文版的省略了很多东西,而且是最关键的东西。

比如第一条,中文版的说“1.与大人应对,要有礼貌,有分寸。”

但什么算是有礼貌呢,那些叫做有分寸?

有分寸这个词在原版里是根本看不出来的,原文里根本没这个意思。

所谓有分寸就是该说的说,不该说的不说,可怜的孩子们根本不清楚什么是应该说的,什么是不该说的,完全要看大人的脸色。

大人也不知道什么该说,什么不该说,他们只认为自己高兴了的就是对的,不高兴了就是错的。

英文版本里很简单,孩子很容易做到

与成人说话,应该说是的、先生(女士),单单点头,或者只说是或者不是,都是不礼貌的,不能接受。

对比一下这一条的翻译和取舍,就可以知道两个文化的巨大差异了。

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7#
发表于 2013-2-17 11:19:24 | 只看该作者
现在的问题是,很多名词都还需要解释,实质性的东西就更难说了。
有时候你也说“道德”,我也说“道德”,可是你说的道德和我说的道德都不是一回事,连讨论的东西都没厘清,最后当然是一塌糊涂,谁也不知道对方在说什么了。

这个楼说“行为准则”,那就明确多了。就是孩子做事的时候要遵守的规则呗。很清楚。

前段时间朋友找我要“家规”,我还真没见过任何一个家规,老鼠哥哥见过么?
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8#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-17 11:27:59 | 只看该作者

回复 #7 无事生非 的帖子

家规?谁们家的?你那个朋友家的家规,你我怎么可能有,咱又不是他们族长。

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参与人数 1威望 +2 金币 +2 收起 理由
无事生非 + 2 + 2 哈哈,他想看过去大家族的家规,以此作 ...

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9#
发表于 2013-2-17 11:43:11 | 只看该作者
读过这本书(The Essential 55: An Award-Winning Educator's Rules For Discovering the Successful Student in Every Child  by Ron Clark),喜欢。不过,其中有些东西,我们中国父母用于教育孩子,还是需要结合中国文化的特点,不宜完全生搬硬套,个人看法。如何中西结合,是我一直很纠结的,现在也没有一个十分明确的想法。来学习哈。
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10#
 楼主| 发表于 2013-2-17 11:57:56 | 只看该作者

回复 #9 pianocrazy 的帖子

对对,就是这本书啊,哈
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