我需要补习中文！苏教版四年级（上册）第十课〈田园诗情〉

梦幻妖精

虫妈的思路很好，用这种结构对付应试作文应该比较有用，继续继续

dawnch

原帖由 jiangying 于 2007-11-7 13:53 发表
中文的应该是说明文

英文的应该是记叙文,不算8股

而楼顶的是散文

不一样

我个人认为,学习的时候,什么文都要接触到,写写散文没什么不好.考试的时候,还是考8股比较好.评分标准好定义,也少争议.

问 ...

按理说，小说的章法应该是更复杂的，或者干脆说是更没有章法的。
但上面那个英文小说的章法结构却非常清晰，却不失作品本身的生动与精彩，反而帮助了作品中若干个线索的发展、回忆、心理描写。。。的有秩序交待。

这不是八股文，结构却是“八股”结构。

如果“八股”意味着严谨的结构，那在严谨的结构之下，文章同样可以精彩。
因而，不能把文章不好，归咎于八股；也不能以某些借口来为文章中的不足来开脱。

我同意肢膀所说的：“但是光从结构是否明晰来判断一篇文章好不好恐怕也是不合适的.”
好文章好作品的要素是很多，结构只是要素之一。文章可以以情动人，以词汇迷人，以思想胜人。。。可能结构问题是当中最不讨好的一个要素。
但若对学生，或者从事文字工作的人们来讲呢？回过头来竟不知道文章的基本结构怎样，不知道一意一段，不知道怎样把自己的思想感觉梳理成有条理的文字。。。。。。

“和父亲掰手腕”是一个哈佛学生写的，情感描写复杂，文笔极细腻。
“追逐”，文笔细得可以绣花，追逐场景描写逼真得可以令人感到他们的热血的奔腾。。。。
这些都是英语八股写作教学中的范文，为学生提供了如何将各种素材组织成一篇结构清晰严谨的文章的样板。但我现在找不到这两篇的电子文本。

下面是另一篇英语八股写作教学的范文。

The Struggle to Be an All-American Girl
by Elizabeth Wong

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's still there, the Chinese school on Yale Street where my brother and I used to go. Despite the new coat of paint and the high wire fence, the school I knew 10 years ago remains remarkably stoically1 the same.

Every day at 5 P.M., instead of playing with our fourth- and fifth-grade friends or sneaking out to the empty lot to hunt ghosts and animal bones, my brother and I had to go to Chinese school. No amount of kicking, screaming or pleading could dissuade my mother, who was solidly determined to have us learn the language of our heritage.

Forcibly she walked us the seven long, hilly blocks from our home to school, depositing our defiant tearful faces before the stern principal. My only memory of him is that he swayed on his heels like a palm tree, and he always clasped his impatient twitching hands behind his back. I recognized him as a repressed maniacal child killer, and knew that if we ever saw his hands we'd be in big trouble.

We all sat in little chairs in an empty auditorium. The room smelled like Chinese medicine, an imported faraway mustiness. Like ancient mothballs or dusty closets. I hated that smell. I favored crisp new scents. Like the soft French perfume that my American teacher wore in public school.

There was a stage far to the right, flanked by an American flag and the flag of the Nationalist Republic of China, which was also red, white and blue, but not as pretty.

Although the emphasis at the school was mainly language—speaking, reading, writing—the lessons always began with an exercise in politeness. With the entrance of the teacher, the best student would tap a bell and everyone would get up, kowtow2 and chant, “Sing san ho,” the phonetic3 for “How are you, teacher?” Being 10 years old, I had better things to learn than ideographs4 copied painstakingly in lines that ran right to left from the tip of a moc but, a real ink pen that had to be held in an awkward way if blotches were to be avoided. After all, I could do the multiplication tables, name the satellites of Mars and write reports on “Little Women” and “Black Beauty.” Nancy Drew, my favorite book heroine, never spoke Chinese.

The language was a source of embarrassment. More times than not, I had tried to dissociate myself from the nagging loud voice that followed me wherever I wandered in the nearby American supermarket outside Chinatown. The voice belonged to my grandmother, a fragile woman in her 70s who could outshout the best of the street vendors. Her humor was raunchy, her Chinese rhythmless, patternless. It was quick, it was loud, it was unbeautiful. It was not like the quiet, lilting romance of French or the gentle refinement of the American South. Chinese sounded pedestrian. Public.

In Chinatown, the comings and goings of hundreds of Chinese on their daily tasks sounded chaotic and frenzied. I did not want to be thought of as mad, as talking gibberish. When I spoke English, people nodded at me, smiled sweetly, said encouraging words. Even the people in my culture would cluck and say that I'd do well in life. “My, doesn't she move her lips fast,” they'd say, meaning that I'd be able to keep up with the world outside Chinatown.

My brother was even more fanatical5 than I about speaking English. He was especially hard on my mother, criticizing her, often cruelly, for her pidgin speech—smatterings of Chinese scattered like chop suey in her conversation. “It's not 'What it is,' Mom,” he'd say in exasperation. “It's 'What is, what is, what is!'” Sometimes, Mom might leave out an occasional “the” or “a,” or perhaps a verb of being. He would stop her in mid-sentence. “Say it again, Mom. Say it right.” When he tripped over his own tongue, he'd blame it on her: “See, Mom, it's all your fault. You set a bad example.”

What infuriated my mother most was when my brother cornered her on her consonants, especially “r.” My father had played a cruel joke on Mom by assigning her an American name that her tongue wouldn't allow her to say. No matter how hard she tried, “Ruth” always ended up “Luth” or “Roof.”

After two years of writing with a moc but and reciting words with multiples of meanings, I finally was granted a cultural divorce. I was permitted to stop Chinese school. I thought of myself as multicultural. I preferred tacos to egg rolls; I enjoyed Cinco de Mayo more than Chinese New Year. At last, I was one of you; I wasn't one of them.

Sadly, I still am.

[ 本帖最后由 dawnch 于 2007-11-7 15:04 编辑 ]

dawnch

说明文？有道理。

下面是我九岁的女儿模仿“泉城”的结构——这种类似“英文写作结构”写的中文作文，你可以说是记叙文，也可以说是散文，或者，说它是说明文。

EDU呢，模仿您的结构“让孩子炒股是在害他”，可能会有这个结果：“让孩子这么写是在害她”。

呵呵

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

冰天雪地访哈佛

哈佛大学是人人都向往的地方。我的脚刚踏上哈佛广场，妈妈就对我说：“这里集中了全世界最优秀的学生！”我低下头，沉吟着……

进了哈佛大学，就像进了冰雪皇后的宫殿。陆地白了，结冰了。树木仿佛是冰做的，如果一只松鼠把树枝轻轻抖一抖，雪就会掉到人的头上，这个人就会变成一个大雪人！草地被厚厚的冰盖上了，形成一个个天然的“溜冰场”。我在上面滑呀滑呀，永远都不厌倦！法学院等建筑被大雪覆盖了。高高的尖塔，厚重的拱门，细致的图案，371年历史的古老建筑，加上厚厚的冰雪，多么壮观！我喜欢这漂亮的校园！

妈妈说：“哈佛的学生是世界的精英，是世界的领导人！”在哈佛学生中心，我看了一个毕业典礼录像。其中，有一个印度学生的演讲十分大气，神彩飞扬，充满了自信与自豪。我听说，正在竞选美国总统的奥巴马就是从哈佛毕业的，现任美国总统布什也是从哈佛毕业的。但妈妈说布什在哈佛读书的时候考试不及格。我想，考试不及格怎么还能当总统呢？也许就因为他是从哈佛大学毕业的吧！我羡慕哈佛人！

在茫茫雪路里，我来到了哈佛大学创始人约翰•哈佛的雕像前。他双目有神，凝视前方。有人给他套上枣红色的哈佛学生的运动衣，他永远是哈佛大学的一员！听说，如果有人摸了他的脚，就一定能上哈佛！我热血沸腾，跑到雕像前，踮起脚，伸长手臂，跳啊跳啊，即使我可怜的小手已经冻红了，可还是够不着。后来，爸爸把我举起来，我使劲地搓着哈佛先生那已被无数人摸得亮闪闪的鞋子，感觉仿佛是温暖的。我笑了，没摸够，不肯走，但是爸爸硬把我扯下来。我真不想离开哈佛！

长大后，我要上哈佛大学，要有一个成功与尊贵的人生！

[ 本帖最后由 dawnch 于 2007-11-7 15:19 编辑 ]

education2008

你的确是在害你的孩子。写这种八股只能应付考试或者将来的公文。
没有任何实际意义。而应付考试只需要考试前突击顶多几个星期就够了，
因为这是一项很简单的技术。

即便你不想把孩子培养成文学家，你现在的做法也是浪费时间。
有时间不如去研究点真问题。

还想说，感觉你的孩子现在有点太早熟了。过犹不及，也许你该放慢点节奏。

梦幻妖精

那篇泉城写的“有的。。。有的。。。”非常8股，我看了就想笑

虫这篇很好，通过8股的结构自由表达了自己的思想

对孩子来说，首先鼓励的是自己的思想，然后用有序的结构把思想梳理清楚表达出来，这个路走得脚踏实地，然后再飞罢。。。。

jiangying

这样的8股不能应付中国的考试.
反而在以后工作中用处极大.写论文,报告什么的,就是8股.

君不见,现在的大学生研究生都不会写论文了吗?

反而是如果想当文学家,还是不要接触8股的好

dawnch

原帖由 education2008 于 2007-11-7 15:51 发表
你的确是在害你的孩子。写这种八股只能应付考试或者将来的公文。
没有任何实际意义。而应付考试只需要考试前突击顶多几个星期就够了，
因为这是一项很简单的技术。

你的视野不是一般地窄，难怪你会陷入“八股只能应付考试或者将来的公文。”这样的误区。

我上面贴的两个英语文章，别人看不懂，你若看不懂就不应该了。

感觉你的孩子现在有点太早熟了。

看来你没怎么接触过美国的孩子。
和他们比起来，我的孩子就太babyish了。
这是多数中国孩子的特点。

dawnch

原帖由 jiangying 于 2007-11-7 15:54 发表
这样的8股不能应付中国的考试.
反而在以后工作中用处极大.写论文,报告什么的,就是8股.

君不见,现在的大学生研究生都不会写论文了吗?

反而是如果想当文学家,还是不要接触8股的好

国庆期间和自己的一个教授吃饭。
席间谈到中国学者出书存在的问题。
教授说其中一个原因是：“现在学者的语文水平大多很差。”
我听了心里暗笑，因为脑子里马上浮出正在读的这个教授一本书里的几个段落，“一意一段”做得实在不怎么样。

但是，这掩盖不了他思想的光芒。我对他照样充满了崇敬。

klcz2002

这篇[泉城]不对我的胃口，不欣赏这样的文章，如果起步学习借鉴是可以的。

这篇文章令我想起了14，15年前写过的[工程计划书]，当时自己的感觉是“令人窒息”，拿华文写[工程计划书]后的体会。说起来偶还是感性的人，喜欢随性。

今天儿子发烧 不用陪读了。

happy_99

再次申明，在中国，语文课不单单是教语法的，同样不单单是教写作的。课文选择中有大量的散文，既可以教孩子散文的写作方式，让他们自己想写散文时知道怎么写，也可以教孩子阅读理解能力，这种能力不单单是体现在对所谓8股文的理解上。就算这篇课文狗屁不通，也有助于孩子们学会怎么理解这些狗屁不通的话，如果正好这个孩子觉得这狗屁不通的文字描绘出了他想象中的仙境，他愿意也弄几篇这样狗屁不通的文章出来，可能他的父母还高兴呢。

说笑了哈。

不过说实在的，我们的语文课本已经越来越好看，越来越有趣了，我们还是正面地引导孩子看待我们认为的不足之处吧，等他大了，他自己也知道回过头来看的，那时他会有自己的判断的。如果我们老是持批判的态度，那孩子学到的也是用批判的眼光看世界，长大后他会很痛苦的。然后他又以批判的态度让他的孩子学会用批判的眼光看世界，看来看去，这个世界就没有看头了。济南的泉水也好，荷兰的田园也好，统统都得见鬼去了。