【推荐】倾听孩子

ctct61t

<p class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; WORD-BREAK: break-all"><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">专门时间</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">一、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">安排专门时间倾听孩子</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">1</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、安排一段不长的但有保证的时间，除了和孩子在一起，不做任何事</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">2</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、做不会让你烦恼和疲劳的事</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">3</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、在这段时间里，让孩子有支配你的权力</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">4</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、让孩子知道你确确实实欣赏他</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">5</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、期待新的情况发生</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">你的话语中流露出的期待和兴趣会鼓励孩子抓住机会向你透露有关他自己的新情况。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">6</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、要克制自己，不要去指导孩子玩耍或“教”给他怎样玩得更好</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">二、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">倾听会加深孩子对你的信任</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">1</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">孩子试探你</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">他可能会挑那种你觉得无聊或最烦人的游戏让你和他一起玩，看是否不论他做什么你都喜欢他。当你能兴致勃勃地与孩子一起做他要玩的游戏时，孩子对你的信任感会迅速增强。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">2</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">在你的关注下，孩子会探索新的活动天地</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">父母的关注会使孩子有安全感。孩子会利用这种安全感来测试自己体力的极限。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">3</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">孩子会把重要总是摆到你面前</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">游戏中，你毫不掩饰的愉快心情和宽松的态度迟早会促使孩子试着触及那些让他烦心的事。如给你打针，扮演老师训你等，此刻他是在就一个重要问题与你交流，他已热切地接受了你的倾听。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">4</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">孩子会给你提出各种问题</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">5</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">孩子会表现得越来越依赖于你</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">敢于对你透露他一直在独自承受的困难处境，能向你求助解决这些问题。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana">6</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">你以为孩子已经解决的问题可能会重新出现</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">一有烦心事，就会开始抱怨、发怒或哭泣，在他看来，你肯定能接受他，他再也不隐藏自己的坏情绪了。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">三、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">以游戏式倾听帮助孩子</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">做到全神贯注地倾听孩子讲话的一个关键是要以积极的方式做出反应。通过确保孩子在游戏中担任强有力的角色来体现出你期望了解他的想法和感受的诚意。当你让自己扮演弱小无能的角色时，孩子就会感到有足够的自信向你表露他在重要问题上的想法和感受。你要抓住时机，在玩耍中帮助孩子通过大笑来松弛某种特定情况所引起的紧张情绪。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">开始做“游戏式倾听”时要注意是什么让孩子发笑，以便能做更多令他发笑的事。要扮演一个毫无威胁性但又很有趣的弱者。比如，如果孩子要你追赶他，不要以为你该装妖怪去追他，你只管弄出点追人的声势，但不要让自己追上他。可以让自己偶尔揪住他的后衣襟，或抱住他，但最后总让他逃脱。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana">如果孩子很小，成人应扮作非常孤弱无力的角色，以引发孩子大笑。但一个正在长力气、长自信心的孩子，则往往在战胜较强的抵抗者时才会朗朗大笑。如果孩子不是高兴地笑，而是吓得直叫，你就要放慢动作，适可而止，使孩子重新兴奋起来。不要胳肢孩子。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">四、</span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"> </span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">倾听孩子更深层的感受</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">允许孩子表露情绪，直到他平静下来，对孩子很有益</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">我们对待孩子的情绪流露的典型反应是“迅速采取措施”帮助他恢复平静，因为担心孩子会变得没理性。但这种做法并不好。事实是，当有人给予最起码的关心、肯定和尊重时，孩子的情绪流露肯定会改善他的观察力和自信心。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">孩子开始哭或发脾气时，很重要的一点是父母要和蔼、持续地倾听，亲切地留在孩子身边，温和地抚摩或搂住他，讲几句关心的话，但不要多。假如你在此时说得太多，你就会在这种交流中凌驾于孩子之上，不能倾听孩子的话。孩子把自己的情绪通过发火或哭发泄出来后，会重新注意你和他周围的情况，而且一般说来，他会感到轻松和精神焕发。跟随着孩子的浅笑或哈欠而来的暴风骤雨似的哭泣，常常预示着孩子正在重新调整自己的意识。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">当孩子感到紧张或孤独时，他可能“制造”一个情况，以使父母不得不对他的行为给予限制。一旦父母定出合理的限制，孩子就会乘机哭闹，从而消除他感受到的紧张。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">倾听孩子哭泣而不是要求他“恢复正常”的做法，比试图控制并转移他的注意力或强迫他举止有礼更容易，更有益处。当你留在他身边，不提任何要求，他迟早会修整好自己的世界，而你对他的关怀会成为这个世界中充满充满活力的一部分。如果在他情绪最糟时你仍对他表示关切，他会深深体会到你对他的爱。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"></span><span style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Verdana; mso-hansi-font-family: Verdana; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA">定期给孩子“专门时间”，意味着你开始尊重孩子的判断力，开始倾听他急于摆脱的紧张及其他感受。开始“倾听”几乎对于所有的父母都非常困难。我们现在学着要给给予孩子们的这种关怀与倾听，我们大多数成年人自己都不曾得到过。在这陌生的领域中，我们会感到不舒服。但是，孩子的反应就是我们的向导。每一次耐心地倾听他们的哭诉，每一次充满探索或笑声的“专门时间”，都会说明：我们寻求的与孩子之间的爱和信任正在得到加强。</span><span lang="EN-US" style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 1.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: &quot;Times New Roman&quot;; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break" /><br style="mso-special-character: line-break" /></span>

ctct61t

提示与思考： 1、 你经常与孩子一起游戏吗？你们的游戏方式与本章所建议的游戏方式是否有不同的地方？ 2、 有没有这样的时候——孩子喜欢做某种游戏，可你不想让他做？是否因为你认为该游戏有危险性？你担心会出什么样的问题？

轻舞

我每天睡觉前，都会和孩子聊聊天，感觉真的很好。我觉得那是我一天最幸福的时刻。