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Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids
by Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children is the best
way to ensure that they live a happy, successful, and responsible life as
an adult. Here are ten ways to help your kids attain a high degree of emotional
intelligence:
1. Model emotional intelligence yourself
Yes, your kids are watching very closely. They see how you respond to frustration,
they see how resilient you are, and they see whether you're aware of your
own feelings and the feelings of others.
2. Be willing to say "no" to your kids
There's a lot of stuff out there for kids. And your kids will ask for a
lot of it. Saying no will give your kids an opportunity to deal with disappointment
and to learn impulse control. To a certain degree, your job as a parent
is to allow your kids to be frustrated and to work through it. Kids who
always get what they want typically aren't very happy.
3. Be aware of your parental "hotspots"
Know what your issues are-what makes you come unglued and what's this really
about? Is it not being in control? Not being respected? Underneath these
issues lies a fear about something. Get to know what your fear is so you're
less likely to come unglued when you're with your kids. Knowing your issues
doesn't make them go away, it just makes it easier to plan for and to deal
with.
4. Practice and hone your skills at being non-judgmental
Start labeling feelings and avoid name-calling. Say, "he seems angry," rather
than, "what a jerk." When your kids are whiny or crying, saying things like,
"you seem sad," will always be better than just asking them to stop. Depriving
kids of the feelings they're experiencing will only drive them underground
and make them stronger.
5. Start coaching your kids
When kids are beyond the toddler years, you can start coaching them to help
them to be more responsible. Instead of "get your hat and gloves," you can
ask, "what do you need to be ready for school?" Constantly telling your
kids what to do does not help them to develop confidence and responsibility.
6. Always be willing to be part of the problem
See yourself as having something to do with every problem that comes along.
Most problems in families get bigger when parents respond to them in a way
that exacerbates the problem. If your child makes a mistake, remember how
crucial it is for you to have a calm, reasoned response.
7. Get your kids involved in household duties at an early age
Research suggests that kids who are involved in household chores from an
early age tend to be happier and more successful. Why? From an early age,
they're made to feel they are an important part of the family. Kids want
to belong and to feel like they're valuable.
8. Limit your kids access to mass media mania
Young kids need to play, not spend time in front of a screen. To develop
creativity and problem-solving skills, allow your kids time to use free
play. Much of the mass media market can teach your kids about consumerism,
sarcasm, and violence. What your kids learn from you and from free play
with others will provide the seeds for future emotional intelligence.
9. Talk about feelings as a family
State your emotional goals as a family. These might be no yelling, no name-calling,
be respectful at all times, etc. Families that talk about their goals are
more likely to be aware of them and to achieve them. As the parent, you
then have to "walk the talk."
10. See your kids as wonderful
There is no greater way to create emotional intelligence in your child than
to see them as wonderful and capable. One law of the universe is, "what
you think about expands." If you see your child and think about them as
wonderful, you'll get a lot of "wonderful." If you think about your child
as a problem, you'll get a lot of problems.
Having a high IQ is nice, but having a high "EQ" is even better. Make these
ten ideas daily habits and you'll give your kids the best chance possible
to be happy, productive, and responsible adults. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2005-4-30 13:06:59
楼主