祝孩子们天天健康快乐！

标题: 孩子的英语短文，请给出修改意见 [打印本页]

作者: imlucky 时间: 2014-8-24 12:41
标题: 孩子的英语短文，请给出修改意见
本帖最后由 imlucky 于 2014-8-24 12:44 编辑

Train your Dog!

Firstly, give your puppy a short name that isn't too fancy. A name ending in a vowel sound can also help make the dog understand you.

To stop dogs barking, you should keep your dog active because he's probably bored. Take him for walks and pay them a good amount of attention.

If you want to stop your dog biting, you should start when it is as little as possible. Show you're in charge. Correct them with corrective words and action. Do not allow biting even if it looks cute and playful.

There're also other problems you might encounter with your pet dog, and there should be books and videos about them. Another option is to send the dog to obedience school if you can't train him or if you just don't want to bother.

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自己给孩子这篇writing的点评是感觉句子有点单调。

另外，原本They might chew up the sofa or tear apart books, and they will not do what you tell them to do. 是独立的两句，建议他并成了一句，这样读起来感觉好像好一些。

其它还有什么，请大家帮着看看

作者: 谷雨 时间: 2014-8-24 12:48
我倾向于找外教看作文

作者: liuliwu57 时间: 2014-8-24 16:51
孩子写出来就别挑毛病了～

阅读分析时注重一下句型对比，另外强调命令句式的多变。

作者: gsbqw 时间: 2014-8-25 17:02
既然开始用了Firstly，是否考虑后面接着用Secondly，Thirdly......
可能跟我自己是理工科有关系，我反倒认为句式要统一为好。
考虑到短文是说明性的，要是我写，可能会统一使用祈使句（原文中已经用了不少祈使句，但又夹杂着几句you should，显得不统一）：
Firstly, give your puppy a short name that isn't too fancy......
Secondly, keep your dog active to stop dogs barking......
Thirdly, stop your dog biting when it is as little as possible......
Last of all, find books and videos about how to train dogs...... Send the dog to......if you can't......
此外，注意统一文章中对dog的代称，原文中同时使用了him 和it。
一点小意见，供参考。
我自己也在摸索学习中，也希望你能继续分享孩子在学习写作中的心得体会，我们年龄小的可以跟在后面捡宝啊！

作者: imlucky 时间: 2014-8-25 20:30

如下，蓝色是改的地方

Train your Dog!

It is very important to train your pet dog properly. Untrained dogs can cause trouble. They might chew up the sofa or tear apart books, and they will not do what you tell them to do. Here are some ways you can solve some common dog problems.
Firstly, give your puppy a short name that isn't too fancy. A name ending in a vowel sound can also help make the dog understand you.
To stop dogs barking, you should keep your dog active because he's probably bored. Take him for walks and pay him a good amount of attention.
If you want to stop your dog biting, you should start when he is as little as possible. Show you're in charge. Correct them with corrective words and action. Do not allow biting even if it looks cute and playful.
There're also other problems you might encounter with your pet dog, and there should be books and videos about them. Another option is to send the dog to obedience school if you can't train him or if you just don't want to bother.

儿子说他还希望这篇短文能读起来interesting一点。。

欢迎光临祝孩子们天天健康快乐！ (http://www.xetjy.com/)